I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mom said you looked used
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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