Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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