I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize