TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're making bets on your personal life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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