did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize