I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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