I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize