He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize