He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As shirtless as possible
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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