Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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