I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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