i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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