thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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