I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
where am i from again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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