I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize