I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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