all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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