Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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