New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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