I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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