let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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