my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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