Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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