PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize