She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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