I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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