Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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