That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize