this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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