my phone needs a breathalizer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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