I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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