he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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