I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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