Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
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