we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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