There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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