My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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