God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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