I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize