I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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