I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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