Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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