I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize