Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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