hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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