Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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