i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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