dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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