it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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