Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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