My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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